Recently, I have been struggling with my faith. Not that I have lost my faith, but with different aspects of it. Trying to separate the religion from the RELATIONSHIP, which sometimes is so hard to do. There is a song by Casting Crowns with a line that says "I'm not holding onto You, but You're holding on to me..." I love that line and it brings me such comfort, but I'm not sure it's quite accurate.
There is a story from when I was a little girl. I have a vague memory of it but know the story better than the memory. We had gone to the Ohio State Fair and I had kept wandering off, although I'm sure that mom and dad had repeatedly reminded me to stay with them. Well, at one point I had gotten far enough away that I couldn't see my parents. Unknown to me THEY could see me but I thought I was lost and they allowed me to feel that for a minute or so. This is the part that is a vague memory ~ the feeling of panic. It was a lesson that I am sure after I was "found" sunk in at least for the remainder of the day. It seems to me that THIS is the more accurate picture of how God deals with His children. He's not necessarily always holding our hands. He allows us to pull out of his hand and wander if he sees that the lesson will be better learned. He gives us warnings and reminders but then allows us to feel that sense of panic briefly if we don't heed them. This does not mean that he has abandoned us. Like my parents did at the fair ~ He also keeps us clearly in his sight, ready to rescue us at the first sign of danger. When we feel lost and panicky we need to not run with no direction. We need to stop and look around. Our Father is nearby ready for us to run back to Him, so He can direct and guide us. The Father ready to embrace the prodigal at the first sign of repentance.
What a wonderful Father we have! :o)
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
So, I have a couple of cousins (one specifically!) who are nags. "April, you need to update your blog" "April, when are you going to blog again" "April, you need to blog" "BLOG BLOG BLOG" Geez! Never a break. Well, you asked for it!
Let's see... where to start? I've had so many things going on in my head recently that it's hard to sort out sometimes. ;o) Well, let's start with Dakotah. She'll be 17 this coming weekend. SEVENTEEN!!! You're kidding, right? She is in the midst of her first boyfriend ~ who just happens to be moving to Germany Oct. 7th. I've got to say, I'm not looking forward to the next few weeks! I can completely empathize with her. Rob was in Germany the first 2 years we were "together". Is my daughter going to mirror us? How strange to see it from this perspective. I was a couple of years older ~ but she is easily more mature than I was at 17, so, we'll see... I've got so many concerns for her. I'm concerned that she's getting herself into a relationship that, although she's happy and he's a great kid, isn't based on a mutual love for Christ. I see her pushing priorities to the back burner and I understand it, but... I see her forming friendships with people that aren't Christains, and I worry about that. There is hope in that for me. I was worrying about that earlier and wondering why God had brought these relationships into her life ~ because they don't appear to be the best relationships for her. When the thought crossed my mind that maybe He hadn't brought them into her life ~ but that He had brought her into their lives. Does that make sense? I just have to trust that He hasn't let go of her. She is definately a light for Christ, so I will pray that he will strengthen her faith in him that she can share it with her friends.
Child #2 ~ Dyami. Ah, my teenage son that continues to amaze me. I CAN NOT believe how much he has matured over the summer. He asked Jesus into his heart to be his Lord and Saviour a few weeks ago. WOW! I didn't see that coming. My God is good! He loves the new church we go too and feels like he is accepted by the kids there. YAY! One concern I have. And, this isn't one I have for him ~ it's really an issue that I have. I need to remember the important thing is the RELATIONSHIP and not the RELIGION. They had a lakeside baptism that he wanted to participate in but we weren't there because the girls and I were at Revolve. I reminded him that he had already been baptized. I did not discourage in any way, I don't even think I let the strain show in my voice. But, it.... I don't know how to explain it. I want him to proclaim his faith from the mountaintops, so why would this bother me? I need to get over it and be thankful that God is working in his life. And I am ~ I don't know why it bothers me.
Child #3 ~ Delanie. Well, she's back in school full swing and seems to be doing well, so far. I worry with her that I've set her up for failure, that I made the wrong decision putting her back in school, that she gets shuffeled to the back burner ALWAYS! She is so precious to me, but I know I don't show her because there are so many other things demanding my attention. How do I balance this crazy life? Seems so many things pull at me at one time and I know she doesn't get what she needs so much of the time. I want to start a book with her called Secret Keeper Girls that has mom and daughter dates set up in it and it and teaches them modesty and respecting their body in a Godly manner. But, I've wanted to start it for a long time and never take the time to do it. She's 10, if I don't form a stronger relationship now with her she's right on the precipice of the teen years....
And, Dalton... well, he's struggled this year so far. We now have a counselor observing him in his classrom to help us see what might help him focus. I spoke to his teacher today and asked her if she thought we should have him evaluated for ADD/ADHD. I've considered this for a while but then it seems that he has a good week or so, and I second guess myself. Ms. Goodwins opinion. She has filled out the questionairres out to have other students diagnosed and believes that he would, indeed, be diagnosed. But, her opinion on it is that we should try alternative methods, such as diet and other ideas. That, yes medicating a child would be easier on everyone else but would it be better for him... Wow, coming from a teacher I really appreciated that. So, Rob and I have decided that we are going to get him evaluated and if he is diagnosed we will discuss our options from there. I have tried different ideas that are shown to be effective with ADD kids before, so we will see.... But I am definately pleased to see that she is willing to work with us. :o)
Well, that's my update. Pray for us in these situations. I appreciate it. Next.....
Let's see... where to start? I've had so many things going on in my head recently that it's hard to sort out sometimes. ;o) Well, let's start with Dakotah. She'll be 17 this coming weekend. SEVENTEEN!!! You're kidding, right? She is in the midst of her first boyfriend ~ who just happens to be moving to Germany Oct. 7th. I've got to say, I'm not looking forward to the next few weeks! I can completely empathize with her. Rob was in Germany the first 2 years we were "together". Is my daughter going to mirror us? How strange to see it from this perspective. I was a couple of years older ~ but she is easily more mature than I was at 17, so, we'll see... I've got so many concerns for her. I'm concerned that she's getting herself into a relationship that, although she's happy and he's a great kid, isn't based on a mutual love for Christ. I see her pushing priorities to the back burner and I understand it, but... I see her forming friendships with people that aren't Christains, and I worry about that. There is hope in that for me. I was worrying about that earlier and wondering why God had brought these relationships into her life ~ because they don't appear to be the best relationships for her. When the thought crossed my mind that maybe He hadn't brought them into her life ~ but that He had brought her into their lives. Does that make sense? I just have to trust that He hasn't let go of her. She is definately a light for Christ, so I will pray that he will strengthen her faith in him that she can share it with her friends.
Child #2 ~ Dyami. Ah, my teenage son that continues to amaze me. I CAN NOT believe how much he has matured over the summer. He asked Jesus into his heart to be his Lord and Saviour a few weeks ago. WOW! I didn't see that coming. My God is good! He loves the new church we go too and feels like he is accepted by the kids there. YAY! One concern I have. And, this isn't one I have for him ~ it's really an issue that I have. I need to remember the important thing is the RELATIONSHIP and not the RELIGION. They had a lakeside baptism that he wanted to participate in but we weren't there because the girls and I were at Revolve. I reminded him that he had already been baptized. I did not discourage in any way, I don't even think I let the strain show in my voice. But, it.... I don't know how to explain it. I want him to proclaim his faith from the mountaintops, so why would this bother me? I need to get over it and be thankful that God is working in his life. And I am ~ I don't know why it bothers me.
Child #3 ~ Delanie. Well, she's back in school full swing and seems to be doing well, so far. I worry with her that I've set her up for failure, that I made the wrong decision putting her back in school, that she gets shuffeled to the back burner ALWAYS! She is so precious to me, but I know I don't show her because there are so many other things demanding my attention. How do I balance this crazy life? Seems so many things pull at me at one time and I know she doesn't get what she needs so much of the time. I want to start a book with her called Secret Keeper Girls that has mom and daughter dates set up in it and it and teaches them modesty and respecting their body in a Godly manner. But, I've wanted to start it for a long time and never take the time to do it. She's 10, if I don't form a stronger relationship now with her she's right on the precipice of the teen years....
And, Dalton... well, he's struggled this year so far. We now have a counselor observing him in his classrom to help us see what might help him focus. I spoke to his teacher today and asked her if she thought we should have him evaluated for ADD/ADHD. I've considered this for a while but then it seems that he has a good week or so, and I second guess myself. Ms. Goodwins opinion. She has filled out the questionairres out to have other students diagnosed and believes that he would, indeed, be diagnosed. But, her opinion on it is that we should try alternative methods, such as diet and other ideas. That, yes medicating a child would be easier on everyone else but would it be better for him... Wow, coming from a teacher I really appreciated that. So, Rob and I have decided that we are going to get him evaluated and if he is diagnosed we will discuss our options from there. I have tried different ideas that are shown to be effective with ADD kids before, so we will see.... But I am definately pleased to see that she is willing to work with us. :o)
Well, that's my update. Pray for us in these situations. I appreciate it. Next.....
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Labor day weekend and a lesson learned
The kids and I got home last night after a fun weekend in God's country (a.k.a. Missouri). All of the grandkids had put money together to purchase a stone in memory of our grandparents and a few of us had the opportunity to take it down to the church camp that was so special to Grandma and Grandpa and also to many of the rest of the family. Quite a few of us attended camp there at different points, my parents were married in the lodge in front of the fireplace. Grandpa had planted a grove of trees there many years ago that made the camp to many of the family feel even more "ours". A touch of Grandpa that was there although he no longer is. Unfortunately, last spring a tornado went through and tore the camp up and completely took away my Grandpa's trees. Anyhow, it was a bittersweet day at camp. For some more than others. My memories aren't as strong of camp as some although I've always felt a strong pull to this place knowing it was there. Knowing that the grandparents that I adored walked there, knowing that I could go there and touch the trees that my grandpa had planted. Well, although his trees are gone and camp was forever changed I was still able to feel a bit of their presence there. I was still able to resurrect a few memories from camp. I was still able to show my children a place that they have never had the opportunity to go to but have heard about. I was able to watch them run up and down the stairs that we ran, that Grandpa and Grandma walked. They were able to ring the bell that heralded many a meal. They were able to see how special this place is to us. It was precious, bittersweet day.
The rest of the weekend was spent camping with my wonderful insane crazy family. I am so blessed to have these people in my life. I've got to say, though, that there is one person that I don't usually feel blessed to have in my life. He is a thorn in my side or a sharp pebble in my shoe and I for him. This person drives me crazy. And I don't mean a little crazy. I mean certifiably bang my head against a wall crazy. Well, a visit never goes by without a confrontation with him and this trip was no different. So, the confrontation was over something stupid as many a confrontation is but it still had me fuming. And yelling. And sure that I had to have the last word, etc.., etc... Anyhow, so I went to bed that night still fuming and griping and complaining to my Father that I just couldn't believe how this person was and that he would yell at my child (although in reality he hadn't) and on and on... Well, in the midst of my rant I'm thinking "don't yell at my child" several times until I realized that I wasn't thinking that he shouldn't have yelled at MY child but that God was telling me I shouldn't have been yelling at HIS child. Hmmm.... so I'm supposed to be more accepting of THIS MAN! grrr.... Well, ok Father, if that's what you want I'll try. I got up the next morning and spoke politely, ignored irritating behavior, and bit my tongue and listened when he spoke to me. Then I got to go home. Thank goodness. lol Because it's still a new enough concept to me that I'm not sure that I would have kept my rude, unforgiving, judgemental attitude in check. It will be a while before I have to deal with this thorn again, and I pray that God will work on my heart in the meantime. That He will help me to remember that I am every bit as irritating to him as he is to me and that if my attitude is more in line with Jesus then the time we have to spend together might not be so painful. It would be good for me to remember to apply this concept to every area of my life. Because, we are all His children and who am I to try mistreat His child?
The rest of the weekend was spent camping with my wonderful insane crazy family. I am so blessed to have these people in my life. I've got to say, though, that there is one person that I don't usually feel blessed to have in my life. He is a thorn in my side or a sharp pebble in my shoe and I for him. This person drives me crazy. And I don't mean a little crazy. I mean certifiably bang my head against a wall crazy. Well, a visit never goes by without a confrontation with him and this trip was no different. So, the confrontation was over something stupid as many a confrontation is but it still had me fuming. And yelling. And sure that I had to have the last word, etc.., etc... Anyhow, so I went to bed that night still fuming and griping and complaining to my Father that I just couldn't believe how this person was and that he would yell at my child (although in reality he hadn't) and on and on... Well, in the midst of my rant I'm thinking "don't yell at my child" several times until I realized that I wasn't thinking that he shouldn't have yelled at MY child but that God was telling me I shouldn't have been yelling at HIS child. Hmmm.... so I'm supposed to be more accepting of THIS MAN! grrr.... Well, ok Father, if that's what you want I'll try. I got up the next morning and spoke politely, ignored irritating behavior, and bit my tongue and listened when he spoke to me. Then I got to go home. Thank goodness. lol Because it's still a new enough concept to me that I'm not sure that I would have kept my rude, unforgiving, judgemental attitude in check. It will be a while before I have to deal with this thorn again, and I pray that God will work on my heart in the meantime. That He will help me to remember that I am every bit as irritating to him as he is to me and that if my attitude is more in line with Jesus then the time we have to spend together might not be so painful. It would be good for me to remember to apply this concept to every area of my life. Because, we are all His children and who am I to try mistreat His child?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Need to do chores....Would rather blog!
Wow, the heat and humidity here are awful. Yesterday, if it never reached 100 it got pretty darn close. Miserable, miserable.
The past couple of days have been fairly slow and uneventful. I accomplished absolutely nothing yesterday and because of that we ended up going out to eat ~ AGAIN! Today I HAVE to get to the commisary and get some groceries. Dakotah is hoping to make it to the library, I have a house screaming for cleaning, and Delanie and Dalton have vacation bible school at 5:30. Now, I just need to get up and get moving. Actually, I have done a bit of house work so far today. Granted, it's 12:30, so I should be a lot farther, but hey! It's better than nothing. My kitchen is cleaner than it was this morning. All the dishes are washed and put away, I windexed the refrigerator, and swiffer mopped the floor in there. So, that's an accomplishment, at least.
Delanie and Dalton are both loving VBS. It's a sports theme and the kids get to pick a sport to participate in. Delanie is in cheerleading (go figure ;) ) and Dalton chose flag football. The overall theme is being UNDEFEATED in Christ. Absolutely having a great time. Hopefully by the end of the week their faith with have grown a little bit stronger and they will have learned something new about the love of Jesus.
I've been reading through the book of Romans recently. It's amazing what God is teaching me and what I am learning these days. Judging others is something I know I shouldn't do but I don't always put a conscience effort into not ~ especially in my thoughts. I may not say things out loud but I'm aware that I can be very judgemental. Well, recently, on this exact subject I have heard a radio broadcast, I have received an email from a blog I follow, it appeared in Romans 14 last night, it's been the subject of conversation I've had with several different people... Hmmm... do you think He is trying to tell me something. I have grown over the past year in this area but obviously I'm still needing to grow more in it. Let's see where God leads me in this.
Alright, enough of ignoring my responsibilities.... I'm off to do some chores!!!
The past couple of days have been fairly slow and uneventful. I accomplished absolutely nothing yesterday and because of that we ended up going out to eat ~ AGAIN! Today I HAVE to get to the commisary and get some groceries. Dakotah is hoping to make it to the library, I have a house screaming for cleaning, and Delanie and Dalton have vacation bible school at 5:30. Now, I just need to get up and get moving. Actually, I have done a bit of house work so far today. Granted, it's 12:30, so I should be a lot farther, but hey! It's better than nothing. My kitchen is cleaner than it was this morning. All the dishes are washed and put away, I windexed the refrigerator, and swiffer mopped the floor in there. So, that's an accomplishment, at least.
Delanie and Dalton are both loving VBS. It's a sports theme and the kids get to pick a sport to participate in. Delanie is in cheerleading (go figure ;) ) and Dalton chose flag football. The overall theme is being UNDEFEATED in Christ. Absolutely having a great time. Hopefully by the end of the week their faith with have grown a little bit stronger and they will have learned something new about the love of Jesus.
I've been reading through the book of Romans recently. It's amazing what God is teaching me and what I am learning these days. Judging others is something I know I shouldn't do but I don't always put a conscience effort into not ~ especially in my thoughts. I may not say things out loud but I'm aware that I can be very judgemental. Well, recently, on this exact subject I have heard a radio broadcast, I have received an email from a blog I follow, it appeared in Romans 14 last night, it's been the subject of conversation I've had with several different people... Hmmm... do you think He is trying to tell me something. I have grown over the past year in this area but obviously I'm still needing to grow more in it. Let's see where God leads me in this.
Alright, enough of ignoring my responsibilities.... I'm off to do some chores!!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Gifts from God
What a crazy wonderful summer it has been, so far! I was blessed by my parents to have a much needed break from the life of being a geographically single parent (thanks to the demands of the Army). By the end of those 2 weeks I felt truly refreshed and ready to be a full time mom again! I realize once again that God has given me such gifts in these children of mine.
Dakotah is my right hand. She is SUCH a true blessing to me and I am so lucky to have her. She rarely complains when I make unreasonable demands on her and accepts me for who I am. What a wonderful gift for a mother to have. It amazes me to watch her grow in her relationship with our Lord ~ I sometimes feel like she is so much more spiritually mature than I am. It's a joy to watch.
I just packed Dyami off to boyscout camp for the week. I can't even tell you how it feels to see this boy that I am raising grow up before my eyes. With all the stresses that he puts me through and worries that I have for him I still see glimpses of the man he is becoming and I feel so much hope for him and pride over being his mother! I know that with God's grace we will get through the troubles that teenage life offers us and we will all come out better on the other side.
Ah, Delanie! What a funny precocious thing she is. I can hardly believe that she's 10! It won't be long until I'm in the throes of hormone ridden days with her! We have decided that we're keeping her home to homeschool this fall and I'm looking forward to our one on one time together. I don't get much of that with any of them and I feel like time with them is slipping away too fast!
Dalton continues to keep me on my toes, but I am seeing longer and longer stretches of time where he is being able to control his temper and his behaivour. Praise God! He says things that make me laugh so hard sometimes. He's definately a bit of comic relief in my life. I'm sure as this blog goes along I will have quips and quotes from him to share!
I am so looking forward to watching Rob reconnect with each of them on R&R! I know he will be as amazed as I am at how much each of them have grown and matured this year! Thank You, God, for this amazing family and amazing life you have given me.
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